Indie Rock Law #91 – Create an insane pre-order package

Create an insane pre-order package.

You don’t get many opportunities to make a TON of money when you’re in a band. In fact, merch tends to be the only thing you fully control (even this isn’t always the case now). So you have to make your money when you can.

Your best bet: create a set of over-priced pre-order choice for your new album. Autograph some cheaply printed posters, put some pictures of the band on a thumbdrive, charge $50. Include vinyl or something else random like a band-themed Pez dispenser, and you can charge $100. No questions asked.

Be warned: the blogs will make fun of you for this!

Indie Rock Law #90 – Get dropped by a major label

Get dropped by a major label.

Major labels and indie bands usually don’t work well together; it’s true. The relationship shared by young bands and huge corporations can be discovered just by looking at the two groups’ names: “indie” and “major label.” There is something inherently wrong with a band that prides itself on underground ideals and musical experimentation joining forces with a bunch of old rich guys who haven’t listened to an album since 1987.

Still, when a major label comes calling (and one definitely will), you’ll sign the deal thinking “It can’t be that bad. I’m sure we’ll do fine.”

The good news: when you are inevitably dropped after one or two albums, you can write an album about corporate America and probably make more fans than you could have ever obtained by working with the major label.

Indie Rock Law #89 – Hang out in the parking lot at shows … during bands’ sets

Hang out in the parking lot at shows … during bands’ sets.

It’s been written about plenty of times (I’m looking at you, Limbeck). A great percentage of the crowd would rather stand outside and talk to each other … and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon … than listen to the bands play. There’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Some power stronger than you or I pulls you back outside sometimes within minutes after entering the club. Perhaps it’s Mother Earth? No matter what causes it, the results are the same: standing in the parking lot is cool, and you should do it. The bands won’t mind when they don’t make any money for the tenth night in a row!

Indie Rock Law #88 – Start a street team

Start a street team.

No matter how large your band might be, there is always a need for promotion from (pre?)teens with nothing else to do. With the promise of free merch (this can be as subjective as you want, by the way), you will find that people will fall over themselves to promote your band.

Sure this promotion might actually turn people away from your band (surprisingly enough some people don’t like fliers!). Still, the potential for free promotion is worth the risk. Start your street team!

Indie Rock Law #87 – Bank on Internet contests rather than touring and networking

Bank on Internet contests rather than touring and networking.

This is the digital age, not the “drive around in a van” age. While the bands of yester-year earned their success by extensive touring and networking while on the road, that’s not necessarily required anymore. So how do you fill the gap?

Simple. Enter every Internet band contest you can find. Many of them will promise you EP deals with so-so labels, while others will give you a music video or something. Once you are in one of these contests, you can shift all of your goals and attention to winning the contest. Constantly tell you friends and family to vote. Post bulletins about it. Tweet, even.

Just know one thing: everyone will remember the contest a year from now, and all the best labels are concerned with its results.

Indie Rock Law #86 – “I like their older stuff”

“I like their older stuff.”

This phrase echoes through the air in any respectable venue club. Musicians, fans, confused drinkers, etc. … they all respond with the simple “I like their older stuff” when asked about a band. Why? Any other response will make you appear late to the proverbial party, or worse yet, a fan of popular radio music.

So the safe bet is to always claim to adore a band’s older material. You can still enjoy the new albums, just don’t talk about it.

Indie Rock Law #85 – Allow your friend to stay in the band … at the expense of your sound

Allow your friend to stay in the band … at the expense of your sound.

I’m not going to name names here, but if I did it would mean three things:

1. The band stinks live.
2. The band is very nice.
3. The band will stay together for either one year or 15 years. No other duration of time.

Still, if you’re going to keep your indie cred strong, you don’t need negative Internet forum discussions about how awful your band members treat each other. Your only choice is to let your friend stink it up on the (mostly muted) keyboard, dance on stage, scream random lines from your songs from time to time, or play the third guitar part (doubling the rhythm part) for the rest of your lives.

Indie Rock Law #84 – Drown out the vocals when playing live

Drown out the vocals when playing live.

If music is about feeling something, then the crowd needs to literally feel something. In this case, “something” is the bass line. Perhaps it’s the noisy lead guitar part. No matter what, though, “something” is not the vocals.

So when it comes time for a mic check, mumble ironic phrases into the mic or imitate the guy from Disturbed for a few cheap laughs. It’s okay, no one expects the vocals to be loud enough. Clear/understandable vocals are for the arena rock bands, not the touring indie band.

Besides, if someone in the crowd doesn’t know the words, he/she shouldn’t be there anyway.

Indie Rock Law #83 – Say “this is the …” a bunch of times in a song to add importance/urgency

Say “this is the …” a bunch of times in a song to add importance/urgency.

Nothing adds relevancy to a song like the phrase “this is…” Immediately the audience knows that they aren’t listening to another love song. No. They are listening to a movement, a feeling … a lifestyle.

“This is the rise and fall. This is regret.” What does that mean? How is a song a movement or a feeling? These are two legitimate questions, but they are questions that no one will ever ask, as they suggest a lack of depth and insight from the listener. So use the line “this is the…” all that you want.

No one will ask!

Indie Rock Law #82 – Stare at each other during televised performances

Stare at each other during televised performances.

While some might say that televised performances are make-or-break opportunities for bands, others might say that they are great “show your love for the band” opportunities. Yes, there is a studio audience in front of you, but who needs those people?

Instead, let the guitarists, bass player, and singer huddle up like a sports team and look at each other until their hearts are content…or until the radio rock single you wrote that sounds nothing like anything on the rest of your album is over.